How To Start A Conversation

Conversation is innate to humans. You can rely on this as you start a conversation. People will be remembering this, not needing to learn new skills as much as they will be recalling a skill that is deep in our species’ memory.

 Start A Conversation

Situational Conversation Starter
Make a comment about something around both of you at the time.

If you’re at the library, mention something about the librarian at the door or even about the funny security guard at the entrance. An environmental opener can be used anywhere, but it does take a bit of quick thinking depending on where you are.

Direct Conversation Starter

Sometimes just saying hi is enough to get a decent conversation started. This works especially well in boring situations such as waiting in line. If there’s nothing special happening and you are both bored, then saying hi will just come off as being social.

In the spur of the moment it is hard to know what to say and it’s probably difficult to think of anything profoundly original to say to someone you see in a public place. The key in how to start a conversation is just mustering up the courage to say something more than just hello. Using your surroundings just takes the edge off being so forward and allows the other person to get into a conversation with you in a more comfortable way for them than if you just say hello.

Most guys use submissive, apologetic body language and voice tones. They almost look as if they’re pleading with a woman to give them approval, and like they’re nervous and self-conscious about the whole event.

In other words, most guys come across as wussies when they first approach women. On the other hand, the guys I know who are the most successful with women are the opposite.

What strikes me most about “Talking With the Enemy,” the series of commentaries starting today, is the tough-mindedness of the writers considering America’s polarization. None of them argues against polarization merely because it is oppositional or rudely expressed. All of them recognize that democracy does not wear dainty white gloves and speak in polite murmurings. Yet, with only one exception in this eight-part series, America’s current state of mind alarms them. They fear that stark and bitter polarization over issues such as the war in Iraq endangers our future - not because the polarization makes people angry, but because it makes us dysfunctional as a society.

Stop. Once you have the person talking, stop talking about yourself and practice active listening. Don’t be thinking of the next thing you want to say. Don’t interrupt or finish the other person’s sentences. Make your own Replies in short sentences and don’t get off on tangents about yourself. Show more interest in what the other person has to say than showing off what you know. If you find yourself carrying most of the conversation, a good segue back to your companion is, “But, enough about me….” Avoid phrases like “you should”, “you need”, “you must”, for they are sure conversation killers.